Unsureness...What am i doing?? " Hey, are you happy with your life now?"

What am i trying to prove? Trying to prove that i can do things properly? at least not much a mistake? or am i just trying to get things which are supposed to be done is properly done? after throwing all my feelings out, does it really mean something? has it changed anything? why am i refusing to just go to office for 2 days dy? since monday? went movie somemore during noon time....wow...cant believe what i am doing...but its just nice to go with ya...if u are reading...hey...hope the movie is not the cause of ur fever...hehek..what is happening to myself....i am just wondering...talked to ida...the question she asked me ..."hey, u like your life now?" i think this question just happen to struck me straight, straight to myself, my heart...but i just dont know what is the answer for this question... Is my life now...as in what i am doing something i like, or merely just that it is i want to get things done...lighten the burden of my parents...? or just simply i need to do all these things....i never deny the fact that i am what i am today is a result of what i had been doing since years back...i am shaped into what i am today by what i had gone thru all these while...and its something i should really have great gratitude for...but, this question..." are you happy with your life now?" really strucks me...right..i am happy when i am able to get things done properly..seeing the results of the work is really a joy...but, am i doing what i want?
Life just doesnt turns out to be like what we want it all the times...somehow, we just need to accept life as it is...do things that we are supposed to do and dont think so much of our self interest, what we want to do...i think after monday night...after what happened...i really had to accept the fact that i am faced with such a situation that i have to live with for the next decade maybe? I just cant ignore everything...and start doing things i like...as if everything has no concern with me...phew...thats not my way....so, from now on, just do it, do it happily, like my mum have always mentioned wil be my way of life...though till today, thursday dy, i had not set my foot in office... lets just see how things goes on...and so, staying back and study in Kuching will be my final decision...after considering so many factors...not much ppl in this real world are doing what they actually like i think...and for those who are really doing things they like, life is like a paradise for em....many ppl are doin things which situation puts them into...the only way to be happy with life for this kind of ppl wil be trying to love what they are doing, trying to make the best of what they are in, what they are given....life can also be a miracle that way...we all never know HIS plans...appreciating ourselves, ppl around us, chances around us, everything, everyone and making the best out of it is the best way of life for me....at least for the time being...at least that kind of thinking makes me more assured, comfortable with my situation now...so be it.... i dont believe that i am that useless...that out of hope...and for me, i think i wil be the later kind of ppl that i had just mention.. the one trying to adapt... well, this is life maybe?
whenever i start thinking bout all these, i feel so unuseful of myself....being blessed with everything and yet i have so much complain...what the heck...well...i m trying to change...just i need more time....5 yrs from now....everything, everyone will be different...and for me, i always hope for the best...hey mum...if u are reading...i am really sorry...for everything...for throwing out all those stupid and unnecessary feelings when i tot back it is that night...i was really furious then...sorry...
Well...Douglas MacArthur managed to overhaul the whole bloody flattened Japan after WWII...its not logic if i cant even overhaul myself towards a better tml....ridiculous...Life is not that dull for me since the past week....at least i m glad...though something unusually unhappy happened on Monday...at least someone does cheer my day up....thanks for that...really appreciate it...hope you wil not get blasted for the excess SMSs...soweee....
2.58 a.m....i think i had better go for my sleep....sun rises in 4 hrs time....and will see how the day wil be...