Unsureness...What am i doing?? " Hey, are you happy with your life now?"

What am i trying to prove? Trying to prove that i can do things properly? at least not much a mistake? or am i just trying to get things which are supposed to be done is properly done? after throwing all my feelings out, does it really mean something? has it changed anything? why am i refusing to just go to office for 2 days dy? since monday? went movie somemore during noon time....wow...cant believe what i am doing...but its just nice to go with ya...if u are reading...hey...hope the movie is not the cause of ur fever...hehek..what is happening to myself....i am just wondering...talked to ida...the question she asked me ..."hey, u like your life now?" i think this question just happen to struck me straight, straight to myself, my heart...but i just dont know what is the answer for this question... Is my life now...as in what i am doing something i like, or merely just that it is i want to get things done...lighten the burden of my parents...? or just simply i need to do all these things....i never deny the fact that i am what i am today is a result of what i had been doing since years back...i am shaped into what i am today by what i had gone thru all these while...and its something i should really have great gratitude for...but, this question..." are you happy with your life now?" really strucks me...right..i am happy when i am able to get things done properly..seeing the results of the work is really a joy...but, am i doing what i want?
Life just doesnt turns out to be like what we want it all the times...somehow, we just need to accept life as it is...do things that we are supposed to do and dont think so much of our self interest, what we want to do...i think after monday night...after what happened...i really had to accept the fact that i am faced with such a situation that i have to live with for the next decade maybe? I just cant ignore everything...and start doing things i like...as if everything has no concern with me...phew...thats not my way....so, from now on, just do it, do it happily, like my mum have always mentioned wil be my way of life...though till today, thursday dy, i had not set my foot in office... lets just see how things goes on...and so, staying back and study in Kuching will be my final decision...after considering so many factors...not much ppl in this real world are doing what they actually like i think...and for those who are really doing things they like, life is like a paradise for em....many ppl are doin things which situation puts them into...the only way to be happy with life for this kind of ppl wil be trying to love what they are doing, trying to make the best of what they are in, what they are given....life can also be a miracle that way...we all never know HIS plans...appreciating ourselves, ppl around us, chances around us, everything, everyone and making the best out of it is the best way of life for me....at least for the time being...at least that kind of thinking makes me more assured, comfortable with my situation now...so be it.... i dont believe that i am that useless...that out of hope...and for me, i think i wil be the later kind of ppl that i had just mention.. the one trying to adapt... well, this is life maybe?
whenever i start thinking bout all these, i feel so unuseful of myself....being blessed with everything and yet i have so much complain...what the heck...well...i m trying to change...just i need more time....5 yrs from now....everything, everyone will be different...and for me, i always hope for the best...hey mum...if u are reading...i am really sorry...for everything...for throwing out all those stupid and unnecessary feelings when i tot back it is that night...i was really furious then...sorry...
Well...Douglas MacArthur managed to overhaul the whole bloody flattened Japan after WWII...its not logic if i cant even overhaul myself towards a better tml....ridiculous...Life is not that dull for me since the past week....at least i m glad...though something unusually unhappy happened on Monday...at least someone does cheer my day up....thanks for that...really appreciate it...hope you wil not get blasted for the excess SMSs...soweee....
2.58 a.m....i think i had better go for my sleep....sun rises in 4 hrs time....and will see how the day wil be...

Staying stationary? giving up life?

"There comes a time in your life when you realize that if you stand still, you will remain at this point forever. You realize that if you fall and stay down, life will pass you by..."

Tricks in handling nasty police....early in the morning...

What a day....stopped by a police for no reason along Kuching-Serian road as early as 4.20am for no reason...even chased me with their siren on, as if i am committing serious crime...Met this patrol car at Siburan junction earlier on, which is also a no U-turn junction..luckily i was smart enough not to U-turn there...as they were 'waiting' for me...Stopped me with their blue lights on, ask me where am i from, go Siburan do what...Asked my driver live where, go where, why so early...lotsa stupid question....they are prompting they want something which i am firm i wont give!! ard wasting my time...!!when they start to open my rear seat door and began searching for things, i was really furious....Suddenly i tot of my phone...so i took it, walk out of the car and start to take photos...when the other was copying my and my driver's IC number...wad the hell they do that? waste my time for sure...so i took their photo...the one who talked to me, realized what i am doin, began to change his tone...'Ambil gambar kah? ambillah!! ambil banyak banyak...' then he just let us go....Hell of a damm nation!! thieves don wanna catch...waste my time...wan money? i dont wan give.! so what?
Next, reached Puspakom around 5am...haha...was the first truck by then...gate is closed...10 mins later, an old man came...he was really kind....a runner though..he says just open the gate...drive in, give him our reg card and he will settle everything...without cost...wow...so nice of him..so me and my driver parked in, take our queue...and while waiting for 7, we went for breakfast...wow...first eh...how nice..usual practice, we will have to pay RM100 to Puspakom, another RM100 have to be left in the car for the tester....which i refuse to give this time...!! corrupted nation...so i proceeded to their test station...just to show my face so that they wont dare do anything funny i supposed...guess wad? no need give money also can pass..who say cannot? within 20 mins...everything's done...and i went back home to sleep...after whole night no sleep...wow...what a morning..

General Douglas MacArthur...Supreme Allied Commander of the Pacific Fleet, WW II

Victorious in battle, he went from soldier to statesman, and created a new Japan from the ashes of war.
The task of reconstructing Europe after World War II was divved up among the handful of victorious nations. But in the Pacific, the job of rebuilding Japan fell, effectively to a single man: General Douglas MacArthur. And for five and a half years, the Supreme Commander of Allied Powers ruled from his office at the Dai Ichi Life Insurance Building in central Tokyo with an imperiousness to make emperor blush as he sought to transform Japan from theocratic military dictactorship into a liberal capitalist democracy.It was an exercise without precedent and, more than half a century later, it remains the most successful postwar reconstruction in history. Despite formidable flaws, MacArthur was a compassionate conqueror, a wise administrator and, more than anyone, the man responsible for setting Japan down the path toward becoming the free, fair and prosperous economic superpower today.
As Japanese leaders signed the instruments of surrender aboard U.S.S. Missouri in Tokyo Bay on Sept 2, 1945, the task before MacArthur was enormous. Approximately 3 million Japanese had died, countless more were injured, and an estimated of 9 million were homeless. Even before atomic bombs leveled Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Allied firebombing had reduced dozens of Japanese cities to rubble. But filled with a missionary, even a messianic, zeal, MacArthur aimed not just to restore the country's infrastructure and industry, but to perform a full-scale overhaul of its social, political and moral fabric. Within months of taking command, he had loosened restraints on political expression, bolstered labor's right to organize, dismantled state-run monopolies liberalized school curriculums, extended the vote to women, and directed the American team that, in six epic days, forged Japan's pacifist constitution-which has yet to be amended.
MacArthur's reign was not without its fault. Vain, arrogant and stubborn, he brought a neocolonialist's sense of superiority to his effort. And because MacArthur felt he needed Hirohito to confer legitimacy on the U.S. occupation on Japan, he proctected the Emperor from any investigation of his role in the nation's assault on the rest of Asia. Still, MacArthur transformed a belligerent nation into a responsible member of the international community. For that, Japan-and the world-owes a great debt to a victorious warrior who truimphed in peace. - By Jim Frederick of TIME, 60 years of Asian Heroes.

~On the road Emergency Drill and Fire Extinguisher training 2006~

Photos Description, from top to bottom: Group photo, drivers in practice, fire extinguisher usage, class briefing, Marshall transporting casualty to Hospital, driver briefing Haulier on situation, casualty being transferred to car, traffic controller in action, first aider in action, driver calling haulier,initiation of ER team, motorcyclist self accident behind anti-roll bar of trailer, gear shift ( Hi-Low gear shift ) training, Mr Jong from Jong Seng giving lesson on gear principles, broken gear part ( synchromesh gear ) from QKM8129 costing RM14,000 per piece...

I dont know? Impressive huh? not sure, but for me, its something that really impresses me...this is basically what i have done today...on a Sunday...wondering am i doing the right things at the right age...should i, or can i ignore all these and go study happily? worryless? this is the question that will always haunts me...its not that i am complaining...its a wonderful job done indeed...quite impressive...lots to learn...but, the whole thing still comes back...should I? Is this really my call this time?though i am glad that i am able to conduct the whole drill, at least without much major mistake...i supposed...but is this something i should be doin? Is studying back in Kch and lend a hand here the path of light? the enlightened path?haha...Only HE knows...

Is this my CALL?

everything seems to just turns out to be just wanting me to stay back in Kuching...things doesnt seems to looks like it allows me, or even wanting me to study over in West Malaysia...things just happen...just happen for me to ask my self conscience...should i just leave everything behind, ignoring what is happening now, what is going to happen, not wanting to know what is going to happen and just be the 'don care' type, leaving everything behind as if its of non of my concern and continue on with my studies happily over in WM? Can i get over with my own consience when i get to know that my parents are struggling back in Kuching and I am happily spending their money there? knowing that i might be able to do a difference here, lightening their burden, i am just asking myself, why not just study back at Segi? why must i go over to Inti? does Inti guarantee me a degree? i don think so...everything comes with hard work and struggle...nothing is free in this world...Just yesterday...seeing dad grinding cracks of the axle joints beneath the trailer bucket really catches me...how can an 60+ year old man jus possibly do such thing? isnt he tired? taking over from him and do the grinding, it really takes up a lot of energy...Now, if i am not around, i wont be able to realize such happenings... thinking back....why did i went to Riam, USM and end up still in Kuching? if i was the type of 'don care' type, i dont think i would have possibly quit USM just because of the reason, 'i dont know what the hell am i doin here in USM...' i will be still happily doin my com sc there, blindly i can say...as i dont know what is it all about...at the stake of my parents doing such things back in Kuching...haiz...somehow, my heart really get wrenched to see my dad being so exhausted....at such age...but i just don know how to tell him how i feel..before i speak, he will ard start blasting...i wont want that...just today, during gear shift training, an RM14,000 lesson was learnt by all of us...including me...DO NOT JUMP GEAR SHIFT....FOLLOW ACCORDINGLY...broken, exploded gearbox parts cost us RM14000...just because of prolonged practice of jumping gears...haiz...what can i say? nothing...We, at management level are not doin our part on spot checks....how can we blame others...personally, i really dont like people to point fingers only when things happen...really freaks me...how can such things happen?
On the road emergency drill, fire extinguisher training was done this morning after the usual monthly HSSE meeting....quite impressive i would say...everyone co-operated quite well...As it is, done under the hot sun, everyone was sweating as if it is raining...well, its part of work...thinking back, who is going to conduct all these if i am not around? my dad? or mum...haiz...really heart wrenching...my dad, should be enjoying his golden years by now...and yet....and mum? expect a lady to walk here and there under the hot sun with safety shoes and helmet? i dont think so even if its something feasible...
After all these, i was thinkin, IS THIS MY CALL? to stay back in Kuching? Still praying that the path of light will be shown by God...the Lord...

Happy Feet...A touching one...

Happy Feet...i just dont know why this cartoon just touched me...after watching...read bout the 'emptying oceans' lately...are we supposed to put a stop to net fishing? let the young ones live on? for me, i dont like havin shark fin whenever there is dinner...wad is that? do we need to consume that to live on? its just merely the fame of having it...at the cost of sharks...i think if u get to know how sharks are killed just because of their fins, u wont continue eating those things...only when the buying stops, the killing will...sharks are catched, slit off their fins, and thrown back into the ocean to bleed to their death...how inhumane act is this? still wanna eat? same goes to these penguins...they live as far as artic and antartic...on the ice shelves...is it necessary for us to interfere with their lives? why is human, claimed to be the smartest among all beings are so selfish? this cartoon really serves its purpose...worth watching...

Previous Feelings? Call it a day ler...

Feelings? Feelings, the one that really makes me feels glad and then sad previously....i think its mission impossible dy...really should call it a day...after 2 times being told that it is something impossible, i think its wiser not to spoil our friendship just because of that 'stupid' feeling that i have...i am gonna put a full-stop to all these craziness...if u are reading...haha...take good care of urself...God Bless

Relaxing Day....

Relaxing day, for me spells if i can have my whole morning, sitting at home, reading TIME magazine and also online reading news, besides chatting and adding craps at my blog...It is of most pleasure for being able to do so...no worries, no nothing to think off...just do whatever i like, i wish....what a pleasure life is to be like this...no worries everyday...but it will not mean anything, and of course the feeling of relaxing will turn into stress if everyday is to be like this...human are really funny beings...given this wants that....given that wants this...the feeling of wanting, never satisfied with things around us is the feeling that usually makes us feels pressurized, bothered...how nice it wil be to be enlightened from all these....who knows how it feels? only those really enlightened will know...

What is Love? Subjective huh?

E (8.35pm): "i begin with XXX already, you don't disturb her anymore, don't sms her."
*this time i was taking my bath n no mood here..so,between this time i asked that gal whether it's true or not, but she said she dono everything... haha.. so i start felt like wanna make him.. *
E (10.34pm): "This is between you and me, wat for u sms her. do u think she will tell me things if we are friends? use ur head and think. once again don't disturb."
H (10.40pm): "hahaha.. so funny.. i don believe that u are a students of university.. u looked like a kid.. i wanna know izit tat u less a lot of love? ur mum din gif u more love? i don believe that u are that kind of 'gentlement' guy.. u use the 'force' way to walk ur love-relationship wif u gal fren be4? hey man.. plz don do like tat la.. it's not a good action for a guys.. i don care wat relationship between me n her, i jus know that u doing the stupid thing wif her now.. i'm wanna laugh here.. u know? i never see this kind of guys. i tot u aren't before, so i wish u two.. but now i really can't imagine that u are such the low-standard guy.. take care ur self thr la.. no need to care about me here, i'm good n fine here.. n i don wanna know ur things or anything wat about happen at thr.. jus don disturb my life here.. ok? thanks.."
E (10.49pm): "haha.. what a good english u have.. how do u know is force? are u her? u just use ur head n think a bit... we are having so much fun here. and u? haha..."
H (10.56pm): "ok.. as u like wat u thinking now, maybe u tot u are more understand about her.. ha.. so funny, but sorry, i don care.. do wat u like 'gentlement'! i don wanna know how fun u having, no interesting to know, that's ur thing.. if she wanna call the police i also can't do wat, tat's ur nice news in melaka n uni.. i jus wait n see wat stupid thing's u'll do.. second, don disturb me till made me angry, don make me find the ppl go thr n find u.. i'm not a nicely man to play for u guys.. jus take urself n study, don make so many problem, i don like such the useless student, be a good student n study this few yrs if u wanna get comfortable life thr without bothering from me.. ok? haha.. u looked very nice ya.. "
H (10.58pm): "i think u should go to see the doctor.. u look like almost get crazy soon.. hav ur medicine 1st.. "
E (11.14pm): "haha.. what a person that have so many craps to talk about... i'm so afaird of u... u need any detail to find me? i can gif u..." (i was recieved this msg in the moring.)
H (7.04am): "Eh.. u go n take care ur love now.. i'm so lazy to talk wif u n wasting my time my money here.. don worry, actually, i don think like wanna wasting those money to go thr find u.. make my hand dirty if do something of this useless dog.. maybe u still think tat u are the best in love n everything.. haha... so funny.. sigh, take care urself la.. lazy to quarrel wif u here.. i'll do wat i like wif her.. wat to do? ha.. "
E (7.37am): "haha.. looked like i knew a chicken here.. don't dare to do things that already said.. come find me if u are not chicken.. i can give u my address.. oh ya.. no wonder u will fail in every love life... couse you are too gentlement.. haha.. i can't believed i knew someone like u... the worse person i have ever knew.. how old are u.. wake up la.."
H (8.36am): "ha.. no need la.. she father will find u.. take care urself more then me ya.. "
E (8.55am): "Please go for english course . ur english sucks. Her father say of before . what for? haha. what a chicken. oh forgot that ur english sucks. find the meaning of chiken."
E (9.32am): "oh.. forgot another thing.. u this kind of people doesn't have much friends.. how to ask? haha.. oh ya.. do u wan me to pay for ur english course? haha.."
H (9.27am): "haha.. ok ok.. as u like.. i don quarrel with such the stupid useless uni student.. wasting my time n money here.. better i use it to cal her.. izit? ha.. why u wanna msg me n telling these n those i also dono, maybe u think i like to heard about u, or maybe u wan i help u.. haha... sorry i don care n i jus do wat i like.. ya, now i'm very interesting to disturb u. if u dono how to walk ur love life, better don walk la.. why so confuse thr n getting so much problem thr?! sigh.. very worried u.. ai yo yo.. don like a kids la.. jus felt so funny to see u here... ok la.. take care urself la.. don always getting noisy thr.. go to attent ur class.. oh ya, if u can't eat or do anything without her then u go n die la... u looked like a gals u know? ha... erm... u still wanna msg me? but i think i wont reply u anymore... wanna share these to all my fren,her fren here n any fren who study in MMU thr.. ha.. take care ya..
E (9.51am): "kids? i think u look more like it.. oh.. a dog is more suitable. don't simply bark. i just tell u not to disturb. u the one that simply bark and say so much."
E (6.31am): "oik dog.. look like u are really chicken. don't dare to reply me.. Dog dog dog dog"
H (6.39pm): "ha... why u still being the kids thr? haven't finnish play ah? i tot i don wan to make the dog noisy thr ord.. but it still noisy... yes? anything can i help u? get problem again? u looked so free now hor.. don need to go for dating meh? so free ah?"

What does the word 'love' means actually? i dont think anyone have a exact definition for it...but as for me, its a feeling between 2 people...a natural feeling that comes with no force, something that comes naturally from the heart...and for me...loving someone doesnt means that u must possess him or her physically...even if i am not capable of winning her from the heart, or when she already had loved ones, wishing her all the best in her life will be something great to do...and somehow it really feels sour to do so...i dont wan someone to be with me just because i do it by force, or even from getting her sympathy...thats not true love...something that wont lasts for the fact...a string pulled too hard will have reached its deformation point and for which is bound to break off...thats the point here...no point pushing too hard, just to 'own' her physically and not winning her heart... for me, as long as she is happy with life, i will be too...

Besides, acceptance, give and take is something really crucial in this sort of things...no point to be so suspicious of the one you love...if u win her heart, suspecting this and that means you are not trusting the one you love...whats the point? there is no need to be so suspicious if u really owns her, win her heart....and thats wad keeps the word eternal...loving a person for what she is, and not expecting her to change because of you is something really true...if u expect the person u love to change just because u love her, whats the point of loving her if u find some of her character irritates u?come one lar...think urself...don act as if u are a child lacking love...

As for the conversation above: its between a friend of mine and his ex's newly 'forced' boyfriend...it really makes me feel ashame of men...here's my bro's blog add:http://blackplace.blogs.friendster.com/blackplace/ know more from here... it really raged me...where got people speaks like that....acts as if he is a kid...don even noe how to think properly, how to love someone? does he even noes how to love a person and makes her happy, feel being loved? don waste ppl's time is wad i wanna say...go to hell with ur own character ler...wanna love ppl somemore..u are not even qualified, not matured enough to even use the word love...how to love when you are using force, even making the one u claim u love cry? isnt that something very cruel to do, for making someone u claim u 'love' having tears drop for u? for what u did?

University student speaks as if he sounds like a kid...what is this? someone tell me...hey bro..i respect you for having the courage to critize him here...don feel bad for your english...as least u are more reputable than him...matured in thinking than him...i don think his english is that good also...go to hell lar...thought that uni student very ke si ah? streets are filled with em...jobless somemore...bro, i think u are great, for being such a nice person...no point getting angry over such a 'useful' person...just let him off..ignore what he says...i dont think he noes what is really love...he jus wan to be loved...maybe he is seriously lacking love...God help him...

Where am I? What is my standing now? What is my heading?

Friends who are studying at uni has already finished a semester, having holidays now...soon, they will all be back in Kuching...people are already one sem done...on their own path towards their own dreams..where am I? still stuck here? nawp...i dont think so...though i am already a semester behind...its kinda slow...but its still ok i presume? Segi or Taylor's? still asking myself the same old question....get quality education and spend the money, which is much much more as compared to Segi? or jus to do at Segi, and shut myself at Kuching, with less exposure to the outside world? is that what i want? dont think so...I wanna go Taylor's...make the best out of 2 yrs...and proceed to UK....thats what i want...but will i be a 'waste' for spending so much money of my parents'? is it worth it?...dream, vision versus reality...which one weighs more? can i earn back the 200K within 5 yrs after graduation?
Concentration in studies fully, full swing study, less outside commitment will be what in exchange if i go Taylor's...As for staying back in Segi, will i be able to concentrate? with such huge amount of commitment i have here and there still remains a question...which one i want?
Why is it like that for me??Why is that I am given the choice and i just dono how to make the correct decision?? Do i sound idiotic? less analytical? what if people who have no choice? no freedom to choose? what am i as compared to those people? can i be matched to the word 'useless', 'ungrateful'? i think it is most likely yes...from the point of view of those whom have no choice...Let me think properly....weigh out the good and bad...and make the best decision...thats what i can do...i am so sorry....sorry for being so ungrateful...making things looks so complicated for the fact that it is not...

Life...If we were to compare...Comparison...

What will flash through my mind when I start to compare my life with others? Its of never ending comparison...We will never be contented with what we are blessed with if we were to always compare with those above us...and what would life in that sort of comparison be? well, we all cannot deny the fact that we are in a materialistic world now...and everyone lives by the norm of material; no more by human ethics...living codes...and the consequences of it, we will tend to put aside everything, from loved ones, to stop down and enjoy, enjoy the view of every second of life...time just passes as we are busy going towards our ultimate goal...the goal of material...well..i cannot deny the fact that i cannot live without all these...and maybe this is why i am in such worry when i come to think of my future...worry that everything will comes the other way round...competition is strong now...and embracing ourselves is knowledge is the only key to set a solid foot on this swampy ground, where foundation really does matters...kia su, feeling useless is the words that can describe me now...
wadever it is, human still lives on happily...even with material limitations...just today...and yesterday...events triggered me off....made me realize how strong people are...how strong people's will are to live on...people are riding a motorcycle where as i am driving a car...sometimes even complain this and that bout the car...its really a shame i realize...people have to go to work early in the morning...travelling for 22 miles to work and from work daily...daily after 12 hrs max of work, still he needs to travel back home...a distance on his motorcycle...sometimes under heavy rain somemore...and today, after 9 hrs of work, still he needs to go to his lawyer to deal with his problems...see how determined people are? and what am i as compared to him???!!! its like an elephant compared to an ant on his feet...what a shame...shame but i have a strong feeling of gratefullness and also sense of appreciation of what i am blessed with...makes me feels so useless , so small of myself...really have a lot to learn in this life...learn from people like him...strong sense of determination, strong sense of his responsibility towards his work...repentence...is wad i need...someone really need to kick me!! wake me up!! i have a strong sense of uselessness towards myself after so many things happened...esp this year...after i have seen so many things...Comparison will makes us realize things...Wake up!!wake up ler calvin!!!u are no longer in ur sweet years...

Democracy? Are We?? Or controlled democracy...?

Has anyone wonder how democratic our nation is?? Here is some excerpt from what Mahathir says..." He has made UMNO his personal party. They cannot say anything that he doesn't approve of. I'm being told, look, you mustn't critisize the Prime Minister because he is an institution, he is an UMNO president and therefore he is an institution. Yes, the UMNO president is an institution, but the imcumbent is not..When i was there, he challenged me. Now he's not allowing anybody to say a word against him...What i dont like is creating what would be called a police state. Nobody is allowed to organize any meeting and invite me to speak. If you do, the police call you up..

What sort of democration is this? where is our freedom of speech? where is the freedom of press? are we really a police state? where press may says we are not one, but reality is showing us we are one...and we are an Islamic country...no harm to be an Islamic nation...but dont be the fundamentalist of it...don impose islamic rules on those who are not islam...its of total outrage...what is the logic? remember the case of syariah enforcer breaking into room of an American couple and wanting to see their marriage cert? celaka...thats really outrage and its throwing our nation's face into the sea...what's the difference between us and the women of Taliban Afghan where women are not allowed even to speak to men? we might have no Guantanamo, but remember we have ISA...i better keep my self low here...before police or whatever 'law enforcers' start banging at my door...even Ex-PM cannot speak freely, what more to a peasant like me? i dont want to get blown up into pieces by SAF personnel in this outrage place...Government, By the people, for the people...remember that...

Democracy? Are We?? Or controlled democracy...?

Has anyone wonder how democratic our nation is?? Here is some excerpt from what Mahathir says..." He has made UMNO his personal party. They cannot say anything that he doesn't approve of. I'm being told, look, you mustn't critisize the Prime Minister because he is an institution, he is an UMNO president and therefore he is an institution. Yes, the UMNO president is an institution, but the imcumbent is not..When i was there, he challenged me. Now he's not allowing anybody to say a word against him...What i dont like is creating what would be called a police state. Nobody is allowed to organize any meeting and invite me to speak. If you do, the police call you up..

What sort of democration is this? where is our freedom of speech? where is the freedom of press? are we really a police state? where press may says we are not one, but reality is showing us we are one...and we are an Islamic country...no harm to be an Islamic nation...but dont be the fundamentalist of it...don impose islamic rules on those who are not islam...its of total outrage...what is the logic? remember the case of syariah enforcer breaking into room of an American couple and wanting to see their marriage cert? celaka...thats really outrage and its throwing our nation's face into the sea...what's the difference between us and the women of Taliban Afghan where women are not allowed even to speak to men? we might have no Guantanamo, but remember we have ISA...i better keep my self low here...before police or whatever 'law enforcers' start banging at my door...even Ex-PM cannot speak freely, what more to a peasant like me? i dont want to get blown up into pieces by SAF personnel in this outrage place...Government, By the people, for the people...remember that...

Rainy days....

Again...its the monsoon season...rainy days are here with us again..though sometimes not that consistent..somehow the weather may be still that damm hot despite the rain..and worst to come, we sometimes still experience haze at this time of the year...mother nature is showing its symthom that its ill...really ill this time...with us experiencing extreme weather conditions..which really freaks me out...heavy heavy rainfalls...falls till it seems like my car roof is going to get penetrated....wad the heck...and when its hot, it will really bake you if you are under the sun for the whole noon...but for now, flash floods may seem to occur here and there whenever there is rain...life is like this extreme weather...sometimes it might seems to be so up, sometimes so down...but we still lives on...only a strong heart will be able to overcome all these ups and downs of life...i still believe life wont be meaningful if it were to be so calm, without any obstacles...its these barriers and our effort to overcome it that makes us treasure moments, every moments in life...and for this, i still have to admit that i dont really treasure every moment in me...somehow i still take things for granted...which i really feel bad when i realize what i had just did...imagine on a rainy dawn, a person have to ride his bike from 22th mile to bintawa just for work...whereas myself drives a car...not even getting a single drop of rain...whereas the rider has to go through the rain just to work....this incident really makes me realize how lucky i am as compared to others...i should have realized that earlier on...but sometimes, it just takes incidents like these to wake us up...haiz...how ungrateful i am...jus hope i am not sinning...skies looks more blue after rain and rainbow adds colors to it...no pain no gain...i think life's the same...lets just hope that how life is...strive hard towards a better future...Victory belongs to those who belives in it the most and the longest...

18th Kuching City District Camp, 2006

18th Kuching City District Camp was successfully held from 9th - 13th November 2006 at Batu Kawa agricultural farm. It was a great event, a camp well organized under the lead of ADC Sim Tik Wee and also his committee and staff.... I was the assistant secretary then..everything was as smooth as it was to be..jus a little ups and downs...for which is a must for every event..nothing is meaninful if it was to be so perfect..nothing worth to remember...campsite was a nice one..though quite slippery during rainy days..muddy and slippery..even myself fall on the mud with my whole face splat on the mud one night...damm...was laughing at those who slipped daily..who noes myself also cant escape from slipping...power supply was from 6-12 in the evening..and so, thats the only time i can do my work...rest of the time is my free time i would say...as for the most memorable one, we again manage to secure the Lucas Chin Challenge Trophy...Senior patrol emerged as champion and girls as 2nd...congrats to both of the patrol members...and also for the junior boys, whom all manage to get within top 10, it is indeed an proud archievement...congrats also...but one thing, don not be too happy for the time being....i can feel there is a decline in standard for the past few years...though we manage to secure it this year, we still have to strive hard, especially during annual training camp, as to improve our camping standard...orelse, consequences will be us losing the trophy at other group hands...anyway, its still a great archievement this year...congrats to all...and to all my brothers, whom are all adult leaders except for myself, congrats as well...as for the rest, i think pictures speak better than words...oops...some photos cant be uploaded...the jeeze of it...next post then..

Tristan + Isolde > Love is made by God, Ignore it and You will suffer as you cannot imagine..

Before Romeo and Juliet, there was Tristan & Isolde...The tale of Tristan and Isolde is probably a Celtic romance in origin, with incorporated details from other (later) sources. Due to the expansive number of versions written throughout the ages it is difficult to incorporate every version into one simple summary. It is important to understand that the myth of Tristan and Isolde was not represented by one unified story with an established sequence of events. Rather, there were multiple versions from across Europe. The existing stories are episodic rather than presenting one continuous and complete narrative. Different works recount different incidents in which the enemies of the lovers plot against them, the lovers contrive to meet, get caught together, and manage to extract themselves. Nevertheless, the fundamental, basic premise of all the stories can be seen as the same:
The outline of the story, collected from many different sources, is as follows:
Meliadus (Rivalin, or Roland Rise) was Lord of Lyonesse (Ermonie, or Parmenia), and after warring for some time against Morgan, he entered into a seven-years' truce. This time of respite was employed by Meliadus in visiting Mark, King of Cornwall, who dwelt at Tintagel, where he was holding a great tournament. Many knights of tried valor hurried thither to win laurels, but none were able to unhorse Meliadus, who obtained every prize.
His courage was such that he even won the heart of Blanchefleur, the sister of the king. As the monarch refused to consent to their union, the young people were secretly married, or eloped, if we are to believe another version of the story.
A film really worth watching..some may enjoy and some may find it to be quite boring...for me, its a film of high quality...worth watching..enjoy...
A phrase from the film : Love is made by God, Ignore it and You will suffer as you cannot imagine..

Saddam, 2 others sentenced to death

BAGHDAD, Iraq -
Saddam Hussein' name=c1> SEARCHNews News Photos Images Web' name=c3> Saddam Hussein was convicted and sentenced Sunday to hang for crimes against humanity in the 1982 killings of 148 people in a single town, as the ousted leader, trembling and defiant, shouted "God is great!" As he, his half brother and another senior official in his regime were convicted and sentenced to death, Saddam yelled out, "Long live the people and death to their enemies. Long live the glorious nation, and death to its enemies!"
Some feared the verdicts could intensify
Iraq' name=c1> SEARCHNews News Photos Images Web' name=c3> Iraq's sectarian violence after a trial that stretched over nine months in 39 sessions and ended nearly 3 1/2 months ago. Clashes immediately broke out Sunday in north Baghdad's heavily Sunni Azamiyah district, but celebratory gunfire rang out elsewhere in the capital.
"This government will be responsible for the consequences, with the deaths of hundreds, thousands or even hundreds of thousands, whose blood will be shed," Salih al-Mutlaq, a Sunni political leader, told the al-Arabiya satellite television station.
Saddam and his seven co-defendants were on trial for a wave of revenge killings carried out in the city of Dujail following a 1982 assassination attempt on the former dictator. Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki's Islamic Dawa party, then an underground opposition, has claimed responsibility for organizing the attempt on Saddam's life.
In the capital's Sadr City slum, people rejoiced in the streets, saying "Where are you Saddam? We want to fight you."
During Sunday's hearing, Saddam initially refused the chief judge's order to rise; two bailiffs lifted the ousted ruler to his feet and he remained standing through the sentencing, sometimes wagging his finger at the judge.
Before the session began, one of Saddam's lawyers, former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark, was ejected from the courtroom after handing the judge a memorandum in which he called the trial a travesty.
Chief Judge Raouf Abdul-Rahman pointed to Clark and said in English, "Get out."
In addition to the former Iraqi dictator and Barzan Ibrahim, his former intelligence chief and half brother, the Iraqi High Tribunal convicted and sentenced Awad Hamed al-Bandar, the head of Iraq's former Revolutionary Court, to death by hanging. Iraq's former Vice President Taha Yassin Ramadan was convicted of premeditated murder and sentenced to life in prison.
Three defendants were sentenced to 15 years in prison for torture and premeditated murder. Abdullah Kazim Ruwayyid and his son Mizhar Abdullah Ruwayyid were party officials Dujail, along with Ali Dayih Ali. They were believed responsible for the Dujail arrests.
Mohammed Azawi Ali, a former Dujail Baath Party official, was acquitted for lack of evidence and immediately freed.
He faces additional charges in a separate case over an alleged massacre of Kurdish civilians.
The guilty verdict for Saddam is expected to enrage hard-liners among Saddam's fellow Sunnis, who made up the bulk of the former ruling class. The country's majority Shiites, who were persecuted under the former leader but now largely control the government, will likely view the outcome as a cause of celebration.
In Tikrit, Saddam's hometown, 1,000 people defied the curfew and carried pictures of the city's favorite son through the streets. Some declared the court a product of the U.S. "occupation forces" and condemned the verdict.
"By our souls, by our blood we sacrifice for you Saddam" and "Saddam your name shakes America."
U.S. Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad issued a statement saying the verdicts "demonstrate the commitment of the Iraqi people to hold them (Saddam and his co-defendants) accountable."
"Although the Iraqis may face difficult days in the coming weeks, closing the book on Saddam and his regime is an opportunity to unite and build a better future," Khalilzad said.

Time Flies....without out consent...

time just flies pass us..somehow without our consent..uncapable of stopping it, sometimes, it is just wasted like that...a day not fully used is wasted. and it wont turn back...it has been 2 months since i am back from USM....wad have i done till now? asking myself...working? or just helping out around..am i doing things rite?making full use of my time? always asking myself this question...i always had a feeling of myself not doing things that is really benificial to myself, my future..dealing with things that somehow people at my age should not be dealing..i should be studying rite? duno...jus cant wait for my course to start..should say my next course...Law at Segi...wanted to do something which i really can be in it..i don mean that helping out at MSTC isnt something bad...it had been quite an wonderful experience for me...being together with all sorts of people, dealing with all kind of real life problems really is an eye opener for me...really thank God for that..for me, its a blessing..just that i am unsure of myself..maybe is because i am not that sure of my capability...time flies...soon, everything will be settled..From MSTC to my studies next year...things will come out real clear...my friends, whom i did STPM with are already finishing a sem in uni and i am still stuck here...doing 'nothing', as in studies...the basic building block of my future...i may be a person of high aim and i admit that i have phobia of failing myself...tats something bad for me i think...makes life miserable...at some point...i really admire those who can takes things easily, take disasters, happenings as nothing..for me, i think these are the people whom i should learn from...at least i live a happier life with such an attitude...rather than worrying from A to Z...whatever it is, life now for me is still quite wonderful...making full use of my time..just that maybe its a feeling of unsureness...for me now, one thing worrying me now is whether am i stepping on someone older than me or not...that still remains a question for me...i don want you to have that kinda feeling...i dont mean to overstep u...jus want to get things running, thats all...i think that is for all our own' sake...for future sake..whatever it is, i really have a great feeling of gratitude for my mum here...she is the one who brough me into all these...giving me all the chances to deal with such things since years before...i am who i am today is because of what i have been doing all these while...thanks mum...i know you are kinda tired, exhausted...gimme another 4 years...and hope everything goes on fine till then...i wil be back to lighten ur burden...till then...